So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
