I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
