What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i don't like sucking hair
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
