dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
