the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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