wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Floor bacon is actually really good
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
