Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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