Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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