New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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