Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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