After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
