Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
