i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm at about main and main street
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
