like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
