At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
