he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
