New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
