Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
