Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
