I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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