I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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