There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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