i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
