i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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