The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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