I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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