Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
