Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
