I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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