do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
