Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
