im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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