did you get engaged???
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
