My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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