96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
