I love black thongs
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Are we still banned from the library?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
