i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
