I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
