My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
