my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
