Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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