Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
