Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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