My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
