D3 body, D1 cock
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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