Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
its liver damage thursday
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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