Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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