I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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