she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
