he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
